GN Expansion Pak: The Perfect Couple is perfectly exhausting

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We watch TV and movies to, as Nicole Kidman puts it in her often-parodied AMC Theater speech, “go somewhere we’ve never been before.” So why do I keep being taken on a journey into the lives of obnoxious one percenters’ over and over again? I get that we are a society obsessed with wealth, hence why the Kardashians are famous despite having no discernible talents, but can’t we just leave that to the dredges of reality TV? Unfortunately, if the new Netflix mini-series, The Perfect Couple, has anything to say about it – the answer is a resounding no.

Based on the book of the same name by prolific beach read author Elin Hilderbrand, The Perfect Couple follows the story of well…a best-selling beach read author (Nicole Kidman), her dubious husband whose only job seems to be getting high while chipping golf balls at seagulls (Liev Schrieber), and the rest of her children of the corn-looking clan as they prepare for the wedding of their eldest son (Billy Howle) at their sprawling Nantucket estate. All seems well, until the late-night rehearsal dinner party turns deadly, and we’re left with a whodunnit tale to solve over six painful episodes.

I went into this show blind, but hopeful. I didn’t know anything about the plot other than what was teased in trailers, which piqued my interest, as did the cast. It includes some heavy hitters like the aforementioned Kidman and Schrieber, along with Dakota Fanning and a host of lovely Irish actors I’ve become fond of within the past several years – most notably, Jack Reynor, who gave spectacular performances in Sing Street and Midsommar, and Eve Hewson who starred in the critically acclaimed Bridge of Spies and the superb Bad Sisters on Apple TV+ that actually was the excellent black comedy murder series The Perfect Couple wishes it could be.

I did wonder, though, why they cast so many non-American actors as American New Englanders. Are they attempting a coup to bring us back to old England? Is it because they go to proper drama school while all U.S. actors are just bratty nepo babies? And why does Nicole Kidman get to make up an entirely new accent that mixes a bit of England, America, Australia, and Keith Urban? I have so many questions. But what I can definitively say is that while watching the show, a sizeable chunk of the cast continually slipping in and out of their American accents drove me nuts. (NOT YOU JACK REYNOR, YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND, YOU. P.S. If you’re reading this, call me.)

And really, I should have taken it as a sign to cut my losses when the show’s opening sequence danced across my screen…literally. The entire cast all do some choreographed dance number that is so mismatched with the dramatic tone I thought they were trying to achieve that I thought I accidentally changed the channel to HBO Max showing Mama Mia 2 again. And this was definitely a harbinger of the absurdity to come.

I feel like the show aimed to be the next White Lotus, but the difference is that the dark humor in White Lotus is intentional and apparent, and here, it’s mostly a laugh at you rather than with you situation. The only exceptions to this are Fanning and Reynor who, in their portrayal of husband and wife, seem to understand the assignment – their characters are basically caricatures of the most ignorant, entitled, boorish people you’ll ever meet – and they deliver them with a knowing wink to the audience. The final episode of the series seems to find its footing in this way too, but this late in the game, it was beyond saving. At one point, Schreiber’s character belts a drunken rendition of “Never Gonna Give You Up” in the middle of his wife’s book launch party, and I legitimately thought the show’s creator was trying to Rick Roll all of us.

The fact remains, however, that despite all of my snark, I did not abandon this show. WHY? It wasn’t because I couldn’t predict who committed the murder and simply had to watch to find out – I consume way too much crime-related content for that. And it wasn’t because I was waiting for someone – literally anyone – to root for. Spoiler alert: They never came. It was because, just like a car crash, I couldn’t seem to look away.

So if you’re jonesing for your next hate watch, The Perfect Couple is your perfect match.

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